We speak about liberation in the context of getting free from others but hardly ever do we talk about liberating yourself from the external expectations and limitations of others. There is a massive difference between coming of age and the internal realisation that you life choices as an adult, whilst overwhelming, are entirely your own. It took me a very long time to realise that I was allowing the fears from childhood my decisions. I was living a life that was based in the imagination of other people and ooo chile! It has been exhausting… lets get into it.
Unraveling the Influence of Childhood Fears
As children we have no idea that we are absorbing everything around us including the fears and limitations of our care givers. These fears are stored in the subconscious as a blueprint on how to live your life. A great example of this is the 18 year old version of me. I was convinced that I was fat, unattractive and unwanted. For years, I believed this to be absolute fact. Having kids and gaining weight as a result didn’t help either. I went on my healing journey and it was only in my 30’s, some 20 odd years later. That I realised I had wasted many fruitful years carrying in my subconscious a programming that I had picked up from my mother over the years. The funny thing is that I wasn’t afraid to wear clothes that I wanted to, I just didn’t wear them because in the back of my mind was the voices of the women who came before me. All singing the same song. One of self deprecation.
Embracing Authenticity in Adult Life
It’s only now as a hurtle towards 40 with no age reversal in sight, that I realise how much time has been wasted living in the shadows of others. With the advent of social media, it makes authenticity cool and uncool at the same time. Such a dichotomy! Liberating yourself from the external expectations of people that seem to be living perfect lives is tough. It feels like a hike up Kilimanjaro with no support of a trekking pole. Here is the thing though, take a second to digest this. Those that are unafraid of embracing their quirks, don’t have the same problems as us! They are more concerned with living where as we are pre-occupied with fitting in. We strive to fit into the little boxes that occupy the imagination of others who are also concerned about fitting in. So the cycle continues.
Cultivating Inner Confidence
You probably reading this with a coffee and thinking, ‘ok cool story bro but how?’. Something I asked myself many times. When the focus was on intellectualising your sense of self. Confidence is not born out of thinking about the many ways to be confident. It is not created out of thin air in this way. It is cultivated through action. Whilst there is some thinking that goes into it, there is no self judgement or criticism attached. The best way to overcome external expectations is to not even have them on your radar in the first place. Listen! Other peoples opinions of you are none of your business. Their expectations and limitations are strictly for their own entertainment and not your embodiment! It is literally that simple. Mind your business ( ignore them) and mind your business (focus on you and yours).
Building inner confidence takes practice. Consider joining our online workshops here. Come spend time in a safe space with others who are on the same journey. As the saying goes ‘Rome wasn’t built in a day’ in other words, your journey of personal growth and transformation won’t happen overnight. It will if you take it one day at a time. Here is a ted talk that will really help with this one.
