How does practicing self-care contribute to the development and maintenance of healthy relationships? Whenever the topic of self-care comes up in conversation, most people tend to look at it from the angle of ‘how do you spend money on yourself’. Whilst this is an element its not the only way to care for yourself. We have all heard about the importance of rest. We preach to others about the need to put yourself first. How often do we practice this when no is watching?
Practising Personal Well-being for Relationship Flourishing
So what really is self-care and why does it matter whether we practice what we preach? If you can’t trust yourself to show up for yourself then how can you trust that others will do the same? Practicing self-care in the form of saying what you mean and meaning what you say, builds up your self esteem. High self esteem, self trust, being kind to yourself are the foundations we all need. We give kindness not for their approval but for our own wellbeing. When we move through the world in this way, it allows us to appreciate these qualities in others. Lack is not something that is part of the daily grind. In other words, because these are qualities we already posses within ourselves, we no longer look for them in other people. Meaning that we won’t find ourselves at the mercy of those who score highly in narcissistic traits. Understanding and meeting your own emotional needs as part of your self-care routine makes it easy to empathise, view interactions and situations from a positive perspective as well as embrace vulnerability as a form of connection.
Practicing Self-Care for Effective Communication
Actively nurturing your emotional well-being along side giving yourself lovely gifts, rest and appreciation is the exact foundation on which to master the art of effective communication. Being able to speak clearly is a skill. Hearing the words for what they are, is a skill. Understanding someone else’s perspective is a skill. This is good news because skills, can be learnt. Taking offence even when there is nothing to be offended about, is a habit. Feeling like the world is against you all the time. Is a trauma response. The good news is that all habits can be unlearnt and redirected. Whilst we will never ‘get over’ some trauma, acknowledging it makes it less ominous. Working on self-love and being able to self-reflect allows us to address the shadows in the room. Every time we lean into self-care with the intention to move lovingly forward, we wipe off a layer of pain that has accumulated on our wound tinted glasses that we all wear. We gradually stop showing up in the world as that inner child that just wants someone to listen and start showing as the healed version of that inner child.
When it comes to practicing self-care a lot of us come into with the mindset that we want to basically rid ourselves of our past trauma. The benefits are much more nuanced than simply escaping ruminating on what was. The biggest benefit of all the work that comes with self care is attaining higher emotional intelligence. Having high emotional intelligence is like winning the resilience lottery of life. Not only does the rumination stop but discernment takes president. In other words, we are able to decide what we will allow to affect us and what won’t elevating our relationships from being purely reactional to being intentional. Nurturing an intentional relationship is the cornerstone to a long lasting and fulfilling connection.
Check out my recommended reads section here for a collection of books that will help on this personal development journey.
